I can tuck mytits in my pants
I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
