Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
Randomize
