I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
You were trust falling into bushes
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
