just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
