Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
