im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
Randomize
