worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
Randomize
