Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Randomize
