So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Randomize
