So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
did i walk over a car last night?
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
Randomize
