none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
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