Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Randomize
