i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
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