i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
