Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
I touched a dick in church today
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Randomize
