Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
Randomize
