dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
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