is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
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