So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Randomize
