Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
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