I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
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