I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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