it wasn't lemon gatorade
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
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