CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
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