I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
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