i would punch a child for taco bell
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
