you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
Randomize
