so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
