one word: firstdatebathroomanal
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
Randomize
