Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
Randomize
