its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
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