did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Randomize