do herpes really smell.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
We have so much sex to catch up on
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
