So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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