the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
What drink are we having for lunch?
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
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