So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
Randomize
