i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
