You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
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