you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Randomize
