so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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