Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
Randomize
