nut hugger
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
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