That's when you crack a 10am beer
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
