When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Randomize
