genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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