Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
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