how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
Randomize
