Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Randomize
