whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
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