i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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