She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Randomize
