Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
the gays at disneyland are vicious
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
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