I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
Randomize
