Have you finally orgasmed yet?
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
