I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
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