All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
