Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
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