Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
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