I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Randomize
