don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Randomize
