but the lizard people decide everything anyway
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
Randomize
