Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
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