Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
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