If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
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