I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Randomize
