It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
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