nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
Randomize
