The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
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