the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
No subtext here. People are naked.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
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