Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
Randomize
