my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize
