it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Randomize
