You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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